Life Update: The Lion Looks Back
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liondrakesBesides the current state of Amerikkkan politics, I'm still struggling to find a better job. As much as I hate where I am now, quitting with no safety net in place isn't an option for me. It's stressful trying to land a job in the local school system, or more ideally, the libraries in my area when nothing turns up in my favor. Granted, it's a competitive field. I get that. Regardless, I want something of my skill set to come my way and cut me the break I'm seeking. It's already frustrating to get rejected despite having the qualifications for these jobs. It's especially worrisome when my family's breathing down my neck, wondering why I'm still at my current job and not something that suits my field. It's almost as if older generations can't fathom that the job market isn't what it used to be when they were in their twenties. It's not "sitting on a degree and not using it" when the people you apply to throw you into the gutter without a second thought! But again, that's assuming they know anything about the job market as it stands.
My initial plan was to enter the workforce, gain some experience, and then pursue my masters degree. Yet, life likes to do what life does best: throw a wrench in people's plans. Worst of all, this isn't an ideal time to be a student in a humanities field (let alone multiple of them). Between the death of affirmative action, the implementation of generative AI in public and private institutions alike, and the Trump Administration downsizing the U.S. Department of Education, I couldn't be anymore intimidated by the prospect of furthering my education.
When my grueling job search isn't weighing on me, I also have the pressure to get my driver's license on my head. It doesn't help that around the time I was supposed to get my permit, Covid-19 struck the world and hasn't left us since. Due to quarantine, all hopes of getting my permit were dashed. I've been trying to practice driving more, but keep getting swamped between work and letting my body recover after the fact. The most annoying part of it is how my folks have a habit of leveraging it over me. It's not that I don't want to drive. It's just hard to set aside the time to practice and go to the DMV, especially when they don't bother to help me.
In lighter news, it's been a pretty good year as far as self-exploration goes. I learn something new every other day. If not, I simply am what I am. Sorting out the areas of my identity can be difficult, especially when I need to articulate for other people. Regardless, I've become more accustomed to simply being myself without checking behind myself for others' sake. There's things I still need to flesh out like muir medianhood. I’ve also decided to be a werecreature, though not in the way I was in the past. I’m becoming a werehorse, or rather, being a horse led to me being a werehorse. Basically, it’s a paratype. I’ve thought I was a werewolf years ago, and then I thought I was a werelion at some point. This is one of those experiences where it technically counts as a linktype, but it doesn’t feel like I’m linking or trying to reinforce anything. I’ve been a werecreature before so it’s not a new experience, just a different species tied to it. The only applicable factor is choice, which my prior experiences lacked. Who knows, maybe I’ll become a cheval-garou based on how much I related to the rougarou in South of Midnight.
There’s things I've started to question as well. The latter of which applies to two things: 1. questioning the possibility of being factfolk (with Aesop being the facttype) and 2. questioning an alterfictional tie to Merlin (I've been brushing up on Arthuriana readings). I'm leaning towards my questionings with Aesop since Merlin feels more like a spur-of-the-moment, "Wouldn't it be wild if I was (x)?" sort of thing. In contrast, what I can say about Aesop is this:
- Aesop is like me / has my vibe.
- Aesop is connected to me through other experiences (non-relative to alterhumanity).
- I share traits with Aesop.
- I cannot tell whether or not I am Aesop as he lived, though I do see myself as and feel immensely connected to the fictionalized accounts/depictions of Aesop.
- Though I'm not sure what the exact framework of this is, I know it doesn't have a spiritual or metaphysical component. I don't have a past, parallel, or future life as Aesop.
I'm also proud to say that, at the rate things are going, my girlfriend and I are coming up on another awesome anniversary next January! That'll mark four years we've been together. It's wild remembering how close some of the biggest impacts in my life are. We started dating right after my first year of undergrad, and curiouser, it happened around the time I joined the alterhuman community after years of denial. It's so special to me, especially since we're long distance. I want to see if there's a way she can come down here with me, but with how busy our lives tend to be between work and family, we'll have to plan heavily for it. Even if we're not able to meet in-person yet, I feel very blessed to be with her nonetheless. She's everything under the sun to me. I couldn't ask for a greater partner than Nani.
Amidst all the annoying shit I put up with, at least there's those small pleasures I have in between. Hopefully, things will turn around for the better before the year ends. If not, I hope 2026 will be kinder to me and those I care about. Here's to good health and good fortune.
